It was almost 3am, he's the only 'chattable' one left in my list.
I was feeling emotional and told him many things i've NEVER ever shared with anyone else b4. Perhaps i shared dem' with someone long long ago. But that's all alr in the past.
I wasn't exactly ready to tok to him, but that night, i felt i needed someone to listen.
Halfway thru the conversation, everything was okay until i realised he didn't reply promptly. So i stopped n asked,
"Hey.... Are u listening?"
And he replied, "haha i just finished watching tv."
...................
Haha? NOT funny.
At that instant, i was furious and i stopped in my tracks.
"Hey.. What's wrong? That was just meant as a joke...Sorry."
I don't understand why, but i felt my ego was violated.
And so, i told him,
"U know something? I live my life as a tortise... When i'm happie or sad, i wanted to stick my head out of the shell... And share how i feel with somebody who meant at least something to me..."
"But when i feel nobody wants to listen or share... I will just stick my head quietly back to the shell... I don't cry or compete for someone's attention... I will just quietly hide away in my shell... Perhaps, i shan't even wish for anyone to be there."
A moment of silence.
And then he tried all he could to make me smile again which he eventually succeeded.
It was after this incident that i realised,
i always expect too much from others.
And when i dont get what i expect, i get furious.
Why must he be there to listen when i wanted a listener?
Why must he be there to share my troubles just becos i needed somebody to be there?
We are all diff individuals. We have our own lives, tasks to complete, we have our own set of values so much so that nobody can be our exact duplicates.
Maybe i wasn't really furious with him.
I was angrier with myself...
Expecting lesser and lesser of others (not exactly lowering your standards, but more likely, you don't always expect others to let you have your way),
Yup.That makes us a happier person. =)
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