These days i have been pondering:

To be loved by someone you don't have any feelings for...

OR

To love someone who doesn't care a damn about u....

Which is better?

When i'm 18, i wished for someone whom i could fall head over heels with.

A pretty boy who came along and swept me off my feet, leaving me breathless.

When i'm 21, i wished for someone who could guide me in life.

Someone perhaps imperfectly fine. Someone who could show me what the real world looks like.

When i was 24, i wished for someone who could take care of me.

And as i'm reaching 25(a quarter century of existence, that's what they proclaimed) , i don't know what i want anymore.

It's not i'm fickle or i'm greedy for more.

It's just that i'm kinda lost in this game called 'love'.

Some say you'll never end up with that someone you love the most.
Thus, you can only opt for the 2nd best.

But what if the 2nd best can never replace the best?

That you'll live 3/4 of your life always reminiscing that one & only love whom had already left......while still keeping that 2nd best in your life?

Physically there, yet emotionally detached.....

Does this make you a happier man?

And what if you decided to stake your bets and became someone else's 2nd best?

That you chose to be fooled by that momentary surge of emotions and rightfully thought he's the one for you? That you don't mind being his/her 2nd option?

And who can determine if he's truly THE ONE?

That many years down the road, he's still who he is and not turning out to be a nasty heartwrecker?

And... It's always emotionally strained to know, that somehow or rather, you can never ever replace or try to replace his 1st best.

You don't have to ask me how do i know if you can/cannot replace.

Where the affairs of the heart is concerned... You just know.

Just like you don't have to ask a guy if he loves you (tho we gers always love asking such foolishly cute questions haha). YOU JUST KNOW IT.

Just like you don't have to ask a guy why he doesn't love you anymore (tho we gers also like to ask such seemingly unneccessary questions). YOU JUST KNOW IT too.

And now, we turned to the guy who's so fond of you.

He gave you roses during birthdays.. he called you in the wee hours just to check if you're okay... He asked you out just becos this wasn't your day... he msged you three times a day to check if you've eaten well.

You're a princess. In his eyes. Let's call him Mr. Obsessed.

But you jolly well know that no matter what he does to make you happy, deep down inside, your heart belongs to that somebody's else.

But you also know that somebody else will never recipocrate your feelings. While Mr. Obsessed is your 2nd choice, you are at the same time, somebody's else 2nd choice too.

Is this reason sufficient enough to prompt you into accepting Mr. Obsessed instead?

Is this fair? Or is the game never fair in the first place?

How can you gurantee that Mr. Obsessed is that person you're looking for?

And knowing that he's only your 2nd best... Will u be happy still?

Or you just need someone to fill in that empty space somebody else left behind?

What if you eventually realise that u have NEVER successfully let go of the 1st guy and the 2nd best is in actual fact a wimp in clever disguise?

And now you're caught in a tacky situation where any decisions u make is bound to make someone upset.

Tell me.

Which is better?

To opt for the 2nd best?
Or to love someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings?

And there comes the 3rd option:

To give up both options and remain single but carefree.

A guy friend once told me,

"Everytime you give your heart to someone, a big chunk of it is gone. And you can never take that chunk back, polish it and hoping it remains the same or whole again. Once a chunk is gone, it's gone for good."

And tho he has all the full qualities to be a good bf, he never has a girlfriend.

And i used to tell him, what a waste it is... that he holds back his true feelings due to the reason stated above.

But as i think thru it, i realised how awfully true it is.

Each time you fall in love with someone, a huge chunk gets bitten off and you never know if he/she will cherish that piece of heart you've nicely given away or step on it like it meant nothing at all.



Yet love is never within control.

If it's controllable, perhaps, that isn't love.

Even if u noe you're just his 2nd best... Even if u noe your feelings can never be reciprocated.... Even if you know you give more than you received......

You just fall. Perhaps never getting up again.

And sadly to say,

that's the most heartwrecking reality that we all have to face.