Finished this book over the loong weekends:

It's a book on how guys (who used to be nerds) pick up gals in clubs after going through certain "training". It's amazing to realise how, within like 6-7 standard routines, a gal like Paris Hilton could be picked up and willingly left her phone number with you =)

A perfect guide for players cum bastards in the making. Hmm... Interesting... I like to see how players function & what goes through their dirty pweeny heads...

Well...

So snippets of memories suddenly snapped here and there... Like fluffy clouds... Like candy floss and bittergourd mixture...

They can be everywhere... Halfway through conversations... In the toilet... On the bed before i sleep... While eating... While working... While walking...

The twitch is felt, the pain is there, but the mind refuses to function... Sometimes i'll stay in bed late in the quietness of the night, and wonder the "what-ifs"... Pointless to think into it anyway.

So i'll turn around and try to sleep. TRY. Ya, i've been through the same rituals before, so i know this is a process and that the pain will soon fade away...

I'm just.... Waiting for that moment of actual relief.

Like what someone said, i may need half or one year to recover... Damnit... If he's Brad Pitt or what, i dont mind wasting my youth missing him or holding on to the memories... BUT...

Anyways... I'm okay lah =) Just letting off some steam here... If you realise, i'm trying hard not to talk or whine about it anymore. Over is over, i don't wana be seen as a clown to anyone anymore...

And now... Two departments want me... One is discipline one is cheena... Asking me to consider carefully and see which one brings me up the stoopid ladder... Sighs... Like i wanted it... It's funny how without asking what you want, they actually HELP you make the decisions here...

So morale of the story is...

DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION... Cos eventually you'll find out pple up up there already include you in their BIG PLANS...

Just go with the flow evelyn... Just sway here sway there n be happy... Yeah... Dont waste brain juice trying to map out your future... Whatever comes, whatever goes...

This is work, this isn't my life...