These days....

Life has been in a turmoil.... for me ...

Seriously.

Though i tried my best to look on the brighter side of life, through blogging about people who made my life complete... The happier events that happened... etc.

Yet, it isn't always easy to stay in this "happy" stage for a long time.

Maybe it's by nature, we all tend to focus deeper on the unhappier side of life, and indulge ourselves in the sea of misery, asking why life can't be fairer to us, why this why that & the agonising 'what ifs'.

Life can never be fair to everyone, but you can choose to be fair to yourself.

My health... Giving me problems after problems. Signals dat my body couldn't take the toil anymore? Signals of an urgent need to rest?

Last night... I had one of the worst times in my life. Watching mum dashing in and out of my room with towels, warm water, medicine, medical oil, powder.....

The first thought that came into my mind:

Can i pull it through?

I couldn't help but collapse inside. How many times have i indirectly tortured the people who love me?

I took her hands in mine, and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

All she could do, was to hold my hands tightly, and rubbing it hard, saying this could help the "QI" in the body to flow better.

Then.... I woke up at 3am in the mornz. And sat by the window still, not knowing what lies ahead of me.

Maybe i am selfish.

Though how much i do not want to burden others with my condition,

i still wish strongly for them to be there for me. Holding onto me tightly, and comforting me that everything is okay. And the pain will pass. The pain will pass.

I do not know what's happening. My whole head seems to be exploding. The doctor couldn't say for sure what went wrong. All he could do was to prescribe some anti-bodyaching, fever med for me. Then telling me to visit him again a few days later if my condition doesnt get better.

Yet somewhere in me... I guess things are getting serious. It's like the first time since i've encountered such pain in the head, as well as the sides of the face near the ears.

And the numbness i felt in one of my legs.

How much time do i have left?

Last night... I feared that if i fell asleep, i will perhaps never wake up to see brightness again. Did u have this sensation b4? The fear of not being able to hug your close ones again?

So i msged Fren, telling him i love him. I want him to know that, in case i never have had the chance to tell him again.

I told mum too, causing her to tear.

Then i brought ah boy close, and whispered into his ears. I don't know if he understood, but he licked my ears and face lovingly upon hearing what i'd said.

2008 definitely isn't a good year for me.

Why is it that when good things happen in life, bad things must always follow behind?

I feel lost.