Mr XX and i were strolling down streets of Orchard many nights ago.

It felt good. The wind was breezy and we just had a nice sashimi dinner.

I was holding the cup of hot choc i bought @ starbucks and we were talking abt a certain guy whom i like but didnt wana pursue.

"Sometimes i envy him. He can easily make u happy." he suddenly said at the junction leading to heerens.

"How do you know what makes me happy?" i asked.

"A stroll along Orchard Rd and a cup of hot choc can easily make your day.... hmm... i guess lah."

I laughed and said nothing. I didn't know what to say. We continued walking, sharing a comfortable silence in between.

"Hmm.. Did i say wrongly?"

"Abt what?"

"Abt... the happiness thingey." he looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"Oh," i stood before heerens nydc and thought for awhile. "I enjoyed strolling after a heavy dinner. I enjoyed hot choc when i'm feeling cold... But happiness, i don't know how to describe. It's a feeling...Part of enjoyment, but not totally all of it...hmmmm... You understand?"

"Hahhaha.... NO." He laughed.

I carried on, "Happiness is a kind of feeling that can't be explained... When i was younger, i thought happiness lasted forever & ever. Like the prince and princess fairytale... But now, i'll just be happy when it arrives and accept it when it's gone. For your qn... Perhaps.. Yes. When i'm with someone i like... He doesn't have to do much.... We can just laugh and laugh like there's no worries. We can do things over and over again and i won't feel tired. Not those exciting kind of happiness. Just happiness that........... hopefully can last."

This was the first time i opened up to someone whom i've only gone out with probably lesser than 10 times?

I was pretty amazed and a little embarassed when i finished the one whole chunk of words. I don't know why, but sharing so much with someone of the opposite sex suddenly made me feel uneasy.

And so for a long stretch of road... From heerens to Plaza Sg, i remained quiet.

He was the one who continued:

"Why don't you pursue your happiness then? Tell him u like him."

"Sometimes... it's just not easy... I don't want to see anyone getting hurt. Including me myself. Ha.. Plus it's most probably impossible. You can't possibly force someone to like you back. Just shun qi zi ran bah."

"You don't have the confidence?" He looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

Not abt the confidence topic again.

I shrugged n didn't answer.

We walked all the way to Esplanade.

I'd finished my hot choc and he was perspiring.

"I heard there's a life band performing here tonight!" He pointed somewhere.

"Let's go home bah." I threw away the paper cup, handed him a tissue.

"Oh..." He looked a little disappointed. "U feeling tired? We shldn't have walked so much....."

"Haha the stroll was good lor. Cleared my mind. We have to do it again!"

He shot me a smile that doesn't really look happy and walked me to the nearest taxi stand.

"Actually... You aren't as bad as you think..." His voice trailed away into the night breeze.

I pretended i didn't hear a thing, quickly said gdbye and hopped onto the cab.

On the road home, i kept rethinking what i had said, and what he'd said to me.

If only you appeared earlier than him, there's a possibility that i might have liked you back.

But just like the road home, there's no rewinding.

And if i'm a little more selfish, i would have treated you so much better, giving you hopes that could make you a happier person.

But i know what these little little hopes can build up to.

I know how significant these seemingly insignificant hopes will gradually turn into. And when that day arrive, we might not even know how to face each other anymore.

I don't know, if it's a blessing or a sad thing that my heart can't contain more than two.

But i do know that i'm a dreamer.

A dreamer who loves dreaming abt happiness. Will you believe if i don't ask for anything in return? I just want to be by his side. Happy.

If unnecessary, don't burst those happy bubbles. It hurts.